Tracing the Source of Watchman Nee’s Enlightenment—M. E. Barber and Her Hometown
倪柝声启蒙溯源 ─和受恩教士与其家乡
M. E. (Margaret E.) Barber (1866-1930) was not a member of the China Inland Mission, yet she was one who rose up in response in England when Hudson Taylor, in his later years, called for people from China to consecrate themselves to missions.
和受恩（Margaret E. Barber，1866-1930）教士并非中国内地会的成员，却是戴德生晚年从中国号召献身宣教时，在英国本土奋起响应的一位。
In 1890, Hudson Taylor issued a call, hoping that within five years, a thousand missionary warriors would go to China. Indeed, five years later, among the group responding to the call to missions, was a seemingly frail woman, M. E. Barber, who made her first journey to China alone. Nearly forty years later, she was also buried in China. She was twenty-nine years old when she first set out. The fruit of her life’s work was not in the number of people saved but in the excellent fruit she bore, the most special of whom was Watchman Nee.
1890年，戴德生发出呼吁，希望五年之内，有一千名宣教勇士前往中国。果然，五年后，在响应宣教的群体中，有一位看似柔弱的女子和受恩，单身首途中国，近四十年后她也葬埋中国。她第一次出发的时候是二十九岁，她一生工作的果效不在得救的人数，而在结出了极好的果子，其中最特殊的一位就是倪柝声。
A Quiet Service, Like a Hidden Weapon
安静服事宛如隐藏兵器
Miss M. E. Barber was little known during her lifetime, but as people look back at the recorded footprints of her life, they can always appreciate the significance of her appearance in the history of modern missions.
和受恩教士在世时少有人知，但当人们回顾她生平有纪录的脚踪，总能体会她出现在近代宣教史中的意义。
Like a hidden weapon, she was kept in God’s quiver. For many years, she served quietly in southern China, initially just diligently preaching the gospel. But gradually she felt that even if she exhausted the strength and years of her entire life, it would not be enough to respond to the vast needs of China. She resolved, with another female preacher, to begin a sustained, long period of watching and praying, asking God to raise up Chinese vessels.
如同隐藏的兵器，她被收在神的箭袋之中。许多年日，她在中国南方默默服事，起初只是努力传福音，但渐渐感觉即使她穷尽一生的力量和年岁，也不足以回应中国广大的需要。她决意和另一位女传道人开始持续长时的守望祷告，求神兴起中国的器皿。
In the long wait, her earnest prayers received a surprising answer. Outside Fuzhou city, at Baiyatan (White Teeth Pool), a small meeting was raised up. In the 1920s, God gave M. E. Barber a small group of young people with a heart to pursue knowing the Lord. Under her strict guidance, they were equipped with truth and life. In the end, Miss Barber handed in a beautiful report card. Among them, the most diligent student, Watchman Nee, was like another polished arrow, ready to be shot. This outstanding student progressed rapidly and accumulated a deep foundation, later bringing a profound and far-reaching spiritual influence to the church in China.
在悠长的等候里，她的恳切祷告有了令人惊喜的回应。福州城外的白牙潭，兴起了一个小小的聚会。1920年代，神赐给和受恩一小群有心追求认识主的年轻人，他们在她严格带领下接受真理和生命的装备。最后和受恩交出一张漂亮的成绩单，其中最积极学习的倪柝声，像是另一枝磨亮的箭，蓄势待发。这位优异的学生进步快速，累积深厚，日后为中国教会带来了既深且远的属灵影响。
M. E. Barber. Photographed in 1896.
和受恩教士。摄于1896年。
Ten Years of Prayer to Raise Up a Vessel for the Age
十年祷告兴起时代器皿
In the early twentieth century, the East was not only a land for sowing the gospel seed but also a country where spiritual life blossomed. The successive efforts of missionaries finally ushered in a season of flowering.
二十世纪初叶，东方不仅是福音播种之地，也是属灵生命盛绽之乡。传教士前仆后继的努力，终于迎来了花开的季节。
M. E. Barber came to the East and introduced the rich, deep spiritual learning of the West. After many pioneer missionaries had sown the gospel seed, God prepared a timely transition for the shallow seeds to become deeply rooted. Watchman Nee was a key seedling at this juncture in time.
和受恩前来东方，引介了西方丰富的深度属灵学习。许多先驱宣教士播种福音后，神为浅层种子转向深度扎根预备转化的时机。倪柝声正是在这时间节点上的关键苗种。
In 1920, at the age of seventeen, Watchman Nee was saved and turned to the Lord through the gospel preached by the female evangelist Dora Yu. The following year, he was led to Miss Barber to receive his tutelage. In her fifties, M. E. Barber was already a mentor who was extremely skilled in the spiritual life. She had pleaded with the Lord for ten years for a vessel for the age to be raised up in China.
1920年，倪柝声十七岁时，因女布道家余慈度传福音而得救归主，隔年就被引到和教士那里接受启蒙。五十多岁的和受恩已是一位灵命极为练达的导师，为着中国兴起时代的器皿，她向神恳求了十年之久。
Teacher and student finally met. This period of being both mentor and friend began at Baiyatan on the banks of the Min River. One was an excellent teacher, the other a brilliant talent; both knew how rare the other was.
师生终于相遇，这一段亦师亦友的相处年日，由闽江边的白牙潭开始。一是良师，一是英才，彼此都知道对方的难得。
The deepest lesson Watchman Nee learned from M. E. Barber’s life was her absolute heart for the Lord. “Ask nothing for myself; ask everything for the Lord”—this famous quote relayed by Miss Barber was not just a belief; she herself was an example that could stand the test. No matter what kind of experience she encountered, she always returned to the main axis of her life as quickly as possible, turning to the Lord Himself. Jesus was the core of her thoughts and affections, which was especially true in her attitude of absolute consecration and waiting for Christ’s return.
倪柝声从和受恩生命中最深的学习，就是那份向着主的绝对心志。“为己无所求，为主求一切”，和受恩传述的这句名言，所表达的不只是信念，她自己就是经得起考验的榜样。无论遭遇什么样的经历，她总是尽快回到生命的主轴，走向主自己。耶稣是她思念和情感的核心，尤其在绝对奉献和等候基督再来的生活态度上格外真实。
Additionally, M. E. Barber introduced many spiritual books of great depth, opening up a brand new world of reading for Watchman Nee. The names of spiritual figures like Madame Guyon, Robert Govett (1813-1901), David M. Panton (1870-1955), Mrs. Penn-Lewis, and T. Austin-Sparks entered Watchman Nee’s view one by one, allowing him to begin his ascent toward the spiritual high ground. This teaching, which attended to both the inward and outward aspects of faith, not only prepared Watchman Nee to become a precious vessel but also brought into view the magnificent prospect of revival for the church in China.
另外，和受恩引荐许多具有生命深度的属灵书籍，为倪柝声打开了崭新的阅读世界，盖恩夫人、郭维德（Robert Govett，1813-1901）、潘汤（David M. Panton，1870-1955）、宾路易师母、史百克等，这些属灵人的名字逐一进入倪柝声的视野，让他起步迈向属灵高地。这内外兼顾的信仰教导，不仅预备倪柝声成为一个贵重器皿，也浮现了中国教会恢宏的复兴前景。
However, God kept Miss Barber’s life very thoroughly hidden. Regarding her early life, origins, and family, there is almost no information available to trace her upbringing. Even after she devoted herself to service and preaching, the events of her life are mentioned only sporadically, like fragments. She left no autobiography, and very few people have written her story. For such a figure who came and went like a cloud, leaving almost no trace, we can only attempt to sketch the course of her life and infer the image of her existence from very limited accounts and clues.
不过，神将和受恩教士一生隐藏得非常彻底。她早年的身世来历、家族，几乎找不到任何资料足以梳理出她的成长轨迹。即使日后投身事奉传道，她的生平事迹也只有零星如碎片般的被提及。她没有留下自传，也很少人写过她的故事。对于这样一个如云雾来去几乎不着痕迹的人物，我们只能在极有限的听闻和线索之中，试图勾勒她的人生行踪，推敲描摹她活过的身影。
Peasenhall village hall. (Photo by Wang Guihua)
皮森霍尔村公所。（王桂花摄影）
A Secluded Village Nurturing Spiritual Life
僻静村落孕育属灵生命
Therefore, traveling to M. E. Barber’s birthplace and visiting the homeland she knew so well was the only way to find out about her life through on-site exploration. One late autumn, I set out from London, heading for Norwich and Peasenhall in the east of England.
因此，前往和受恩的出生地，巡访她最熟稔的成长之乡，这是经由实地探勘寻找和受恩身世的唯一方法。一个深秋，我由伦敦启程，向英格兰东部的诺里奇（Norwich）和皮森霍尔（Peasenhall）进发。
In the Middle Ages, Norwich was the second-largest city in England, second only to London. Today, walking through the old districts of this thousand-year-old city still feels ancient and charming. Compared to the hustle and bustle of London, it has more elegance and ease, and the people are warmer.
诺里奇，在中世纪是英格兰的第二大城，仅次于伦敦。今日走在这千年老城的旧区依然古意盎然，相较于伦敦的喧哗，这里多了些优雅从容，人也更温暖。
It was here that M. E. Barber met the spiritual confidant of her life—Brother Panton. Panton was a rich Bible teacher who greatly helped M. E. Barber in her understanding of biblical truth, especially concerning the Lord’s return and the truth of the overcomers. This cultivated in Miss Barber an extremely godly attitude in life, which she, in turn, passed on as core teaching to Watchman Nee.
和受恩在这里认识了她生平的属灵知交——潘汤弟兄。潘汤是一位丰富的圣经教师，给予和受恩在认识圣经真理上的帮助很深，尤其关于主再来和得胜者的真理。这让和受恩养成了极敬虔的生命态度，同时也转化成对倪柝声的核心教导。
Due to time constraints, early the next morning, I hurried to Peasenhall, M. E. Barber’s birthplace, fifty kilometers away.
限于停留的时间，第二天一早，我就赶往五十公里外的皮森霍尔，和受恩的出生地。
It is a small, remote village with only one access road less than two kilometers long. Along both sides of the road are scattered English-style two-story houses, surrounded by green fields.
这是一个偏乡小村落，只有一条不到两公里的联外道路。道路两旁散列着英国乡村式的两层平房，四周都是平畴绿野。
Arriving in front of the village hall and seeing the place name on the sign—”Peasenhall”—my heart was stirred. M. E. Barber was born and raised here. Many years ago, I had visited her burial place at Baiyatan, but unfortunately, the cemetery had been destroyed and was overgrown with weeds. Now, coming to her hometown, I could not find the original site of her former home, and no one I asked knew her name.
来到村公所前面，看到路牌所标示的地名——“皮森霍尔”，我的心是激动的，和受恩是在这里出生长大的啊。多年前我去过她在白牙潭的埋身之处，可惜墓园遭到损毁，已是一片荒烟蔓草。如今来到她的家乡，其实也找不到她的旧居原址，问起她的名字无人知晓。
Garden view of the Anglican church in Peasenhall. (Photo by Wang Guihua)
皮森霍尔圣公会教堂园景。（王桂花摄影）
However, the old church on high ground across the street from the village hall ignited a glimmer of hope in me. It was an Anglican church (St. Michael’s Church), over two hundred years old.
不过村公所对街高处的老教堂倒燃起我一丝希望，这是一座有两百年历史以上的圣公会教堂（St. Michael’s Church）。
Gravestones were scattered on the grass of the Norman-style church. Inside, we found a register of the graves, dating back to the eighteenth century, in which we found names possibly related to M. E. Barber’s family. In any case, this must have been an environment familiar to M. E. Barber from her childhood and the starting point that nurtured her spiritual life. Before leaving, I took a missionary publication distributed to believers, my heart filled with remembrance and respect for a nameless preacher.
诺曼式教堂的草地上散布着墓碑，我们在教堂内看到一份墓园名册，最早可追溯到十八世纪，其中发现可能与和受恩家族相关的名字。无论如何，这里必然是和受恩从幼年就熟悉的环境，也是孕育她属灵生命的起点。临走前，我取了一本分赠信徒的宣教刊物，心中所怀的，其实是对一位无名传道者的追念和致敬。
The century-old smokehouse on the street added a touch of unique earthly life to the small village, and the ruins of a monastery in the fields two kilometers away also testified to the reclusive pursuits that once existed here.
街上的百年熏肉店，点缀着小村落里特有的人间烟火，两公里外田野间的修道院废墟，也见证了此地曾有的隐世追求。
Old photograph of an old shop in Peasenhall.
皮森霍尔老店铺旧照。
Ruins of a monastery in the countryside. (Photo by Wang Guihua)
郊野修道院废墟。（王桂花摄影）
Facing Trials, Learning the Lesson of the Cross
面对试炼学习十架功课
We had to return to Norwich, where more important footprints of M. E. Barber were to be found.
我们必须回到诺里奇，那里有着和受恩更重要的脚踪。
M. E. Barber went to China twice. In 1896, on her first trip, she was sent by the Anglican mission to teach at the Tao-Shu Girls’ School in Cangqianshan, Fuzhou. Because of her enthusiastic teaching, she was deeply loved and respected by her students. But her wonderful teaching career unexpectedly incited jealousy and vicious slander, causing a great turmoil. This was a major trial—a vile, false accusation against her private morals, undoubtedly a character assassination, with a destructive power that was nearly overwhelming.
和受恩前后有两次前往中国的经验。1896年，和受恩首次在圣公会差派下，在福州仓前山的陶淑女中任教。由于她热心教学，甚得学生们的喜爱与尊敬。但美好的教学生涯，却意外招致嫉妒以及严重的造谣诋毁，一时之间掀起了巨大波澜。这是个重大试炼，一项对她私德极为不堪的虚假指控，无疑人格谋杀，杀伤力之强近乎摧毁。
The unjust accusation was heavy, and the inner turmoil was immense. For a time, she wanted to argue, but considering that conflict among people would bring loss to the group and harm the Lord’s interests, M. E. Barber ultimately chose silence and did not defend herself. She knew that the Lord she loved had also been unjustly accused without a word; that was the path of the Lamb of God. She let herself be quiet and learned the lesson of the cross before the Lord.
不白之冤是沉重的，内心冲击是巨大的。一度也想争辩，但顾念人的互争将带来群体亏损，伤损的是主的权益。和受恩最终选择沉默，不为自己辩解，她知道她所爱的主，也曾遭人无端的控告而不语，那是神羔羊的道路。她让自己安静下来，在主前学习十字架的功课。
Norwich train station. (Photo by Wang Guihua)
诺里奇火车站。（王桂花摄影）
Even when she was recalled to England and faced another wave of investigation, M. E. Barber still made no defense and silently endured the refining. Before long, the truth was finally clarified, justice prevailed, and God comforted His handmaiden.
即使被调回英国，面对又一波审查，和受恩仍然不做申辩，默默接受熬炼。不久，真相终于澄清，公义得以彰显，神安慰了祂的使女。
M. E. Barber went through a period of quiet reflection, examining her past and seeking her future. Like a rest in a musical score, it was not an end but the beginning of another movement.
和受恩度过了一段安静沉潜的时间，一面省察过去，一面寻求未来。就像乐章里的休止符，不是结束，而是另一个乐段的开始。
Though wounded, M. E. Barber did not lay down her burden for missions in China. She had made a covenant with the Lord not to retreat lightly. Instead, her heart felt an increasingly strong urge to return to China. What the Lord wanted was not her zeal, nor a comeback effort. God actually had a wonderful plan; He had prepared a group of spiritual seedlings who needed deep cultivation.
虽然受了伤，和受恩并没有放下对中国宣教的负担，她与主立过约，不轻言退去，心里反倒越来越感觉重返中国的强烈催促。主所要的不是她的热心，也不是卷土重来的奋进。神其实已有奇妙的计划，祂预备了一群需要深入栽培的属灵苗种。
Returning to China, M. E. Barber’s status was still that of a teacher, but the content, recipients, and purpose of her teaching were different from the past. This was a brand new beginning, God’s true intention in guiding M. E. Barber all along. Like the fugitive Moses who saw the bush burning but not consumed, M. E. Barber was to walk out of the quiet desert and accept a new mission. The refined vessel was ready; the work of the Holy Spirit was moving toward God’s predetermined peak.
回去中国，和受恩的身份仍是教师，但教导的内容、对象与目的，异于往昔，这是全新的起首，是神一路引领和受恩真正的心意。如同逃亡的摩西看见在火焰中的荆棘，焚而不毁，和受恩要走出安静的旷野，接受新的使命。被磨练的器皿预备好了，圣灵的工作走向神预定的高峰了。
Interior of Surrey Chapel in 1900, reproduced from the 150th-anniversary booklet of Surrey Chapel. Inset shows Bible teacher D. M. Panton.
萨里教会1900年内景，翻拍自萨里教会150周年记念册。小图为圣经教师潘汤。
Meeting a Spiritual Mentor at Surrey Chapel
萨里教会结识属灵导师
In Norwich, M. E. Barber met Brother Panton of Surrey Chapel. Panton was the pastor of the church who succeeded the great Bible expositor Robert Govett and was himself an outstanding Bible teacher. He had unique insights into the truth concerning the Lord’s return and the believers’ rapture. Through fellowship and sharing on the truth, Panton became a rare spiritual mentor for M. E. Barber. Although their commissions led them to be in different parts of the world later on, they always corresponded with each other in their love for the Lord and their pursuit of God’s will.
和受恩在诺里奇认识了萨里教会（Surrey Chapel）的潘汤弟兄。潘汤是承继解经大师郭维德之后的教会牧者，本身也是杰出的圣经教师，他对于主再来和信徒被提的真理有独到的见解。因着真理的交通和分享，潘汤成了和受恩难得一遇的属灵导师。虽然因着托付不同，日后天各一方，但在爱主和神旨意的追求上始终彼此相应。
Regarding M. E. Barber’s service in China, though they were separated by a great distance, Panton was always spiritually sensitive to certain urgent needs and was often moved to intercede specially and send timely financial support. M. E. Barber asked for nothing for herself, but God never failed to show that He had prepared everything.
潘汤对于和受恩在中国的事奉，虽然隔着天涯海角，灵里总是敏锐察觉一些急切的需要，常禁不住特别代求并寄去即时的资助。和受恩为己无所求，但神从不误事的显明祂所有的预备。
Exterior of CityGates Church. (Photo by Wang Guihua)
城门教会外景。（王桂花摄影）
Memorial plaques for Govett and Panton.
郭维德记念匾与潘汤记念匾。
Surrey Chapel has now been renamed CityGates Church. Upon entering the hall, I saw two stone plaques on the wall with brief memorials to Govett and Panton. The brothers and sisters who met us were very diligent in speaking about the church’s history and answering questions. They even brought out a century-old Bible and a woodwind instrument that was like a family heirloom. Their warm and familiar manner made us feel very welcome. The legacy and blessing of those who went before still abound on this mountain of spices today.
萨里教会现已改名為城门教会（CityGates Church）。一入会堂，就看到墙上两块石匾，上面写着郭维德与潘汤的纪念简述。弟兄姊妹见到我们，非常用心讲说教会历史和解答问题，甚至还搬来一本百年圣经，以及有如传家宝的木管乐器。他们如亲如故的热络，让我们备感温暖。前人的遗绪和祝福，今日仍满溢在香草山上。
Unfortunately, apart from a 150th-anniversary booklet that mentioned in a few lines that M. E. Barber set out for China from Surrey Chapel in 1909 and introduced the writings of Govett and Panton to the young Watchman Nee, there was no further description, nor was anyone familiar with M. E. Barber’s story. She was truly a hidden vessel. Many years after M. E. Barber passed away, Watchman Nee, by then a leader in the church, visited the still-living Panton during his trip to Europe. That meeting must have been a journey of remembrance and tracing the source for Watchman Nee, in honor of his beloved mentor.
遗憾的是，除了一本150周年建堂记念册，寥寥几行字提到和受恩1909年从萨里教会出发前往中国，并为年轻的倪柝声引介郭维德和潘汤的著作，此外没有更多描述，也没有人熟悉和受恩的故事。她真是一个隐藏的器皿。多年后和受恩去世，倪柝声已是一位教会领袖，他访欧之时，特别探望了还在世的潘汤。那次会面应是倪柝声对恩师的一次缅怀和溯源之旅吧。
The old site of the church was actually a twenty-minute walk from there. Following the directions, I wound through streets, crossed an old bridge over a stream, and walked down a long street to the vicinity of Surrey Chapel’s early meeting place. The scenery on the ground has changed, but the sky is still the same sky.
其实教会的旧址离此要走上二十分钟。依照指点，曲曲折折，跨过老桥流水以及长街，走到了萨里教会早期聚会地点附近。地上景物已非，但天空还是那片天空吧。
A treasured century-old Bible and its text.
典藏百年圣经与百年圣经内文。
Ask Nothing for Myself, Ask Everything for the Lord
为己无所求 为主求一切
M. E. Barber had walked through the large and small streets of this city, passing through the crowds coming and going. She had come from the storms afar and was to return to the storms again. Her first career in China had been severely damaged. She came to Norwich and had a period of quiet and peaceful years, but she had no thought of staying. Her heart and her steps were always ready to turn to the East.
和受恩曾进出这城市大大小小的街区，穿过来了去的人群。她从远方的风浪走来，还要再度回到风浪中去。她首次在中国的生涯受到重创，她来到诺里奇拥有一段岁月静好的时光，但她没有停留在此的念头，她的心和她的脚步总是随时准备转向东方。
In 1909, she returned to China. It was the final twilight of the Qing Empire, a time of social turmoil and constant popular revolts. A weak woman came across the sea without the support of a mission board. She did not return to the comfort of Cangqianshan but chose the remote Baiyatan. She had nothing, not even much of a plan, only faithfully walking to the position entrusted to her by God and waiting attentively for Him. If God did not want her to be prominent, she was content to be hidden. Her life was hidden with Christ in God. The difficulties had not ended, but God had prepared a gift of extremely high value for her. She would eventually understand why God had led her life in such a way.
1909年，她重返中国。正值清帝国最后的黄昏，社会动荡，民变不断。一个弱女子在没有差会支援下跨海而来，她没有重回舒适的仓前山，她选择了偏远的白牙潭。她一无所有，甚至没有什么计划，只是忠心的走向神所托付的位置，专心等候神。若神没有要她显扬，她就甘愿隐藏，她的生命与基督一同藏在神里面。艰难还没有终止，但神已为她预备了一份价值极高的礼物。她终将明白神对她的生命为何如此一路带领。
Facing the storms of the river and sea, she could now cast the anchor of faith into the infinite and eternal, leaning on a great embrace. And when the storms subsided, on the golden reflection of the water beyond the horizon, there would be a group of God-loving, shining lives, appearing like the sun in its brilliance. She, from a hidden high place, watched with joy.
面对江海的风浪，她已能抛出信心的锚，抛向无限永恒，靠向巨大的怀抱。而当风浪平静时，水平线彼端金色水影之上，将有一群爱神、发亮的生命，如日头出现，光辉烈烈。她，在隐密的高处欢然眺望。
I am reminded of a hymn she wrote, which has been sung continuously by those who love the Lord.
我想起她所写，并被爱主之人不断传唱的一首歌。
“If my path leads me near the cross,
If You have ordained for me to suffer hardship,
Then may You and I henceforth be joined more intimately,
Never a moment apart, growing sweeter with time…” (New Translation)
“如果我的道路引我近十架，
如果祢是命定要我历艰苦，
就愿祢我从此联结更亲密，
时刻未断绝，越久越香甜。……”（新译）
“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the steep ascent, let me see your countenance, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your countenance is lovely.” (Song of Songs 2:14)
“我的鸽子啊，你在磐石穴中，在陡岩的隐密处。求你容我得见你的面貌，得听你的声音；因为你的声音柔和，你的面貌秀美。”（雅歌书二章14节）
